Things to Think About
Something that has been on my mind since yesterday, stemming from a text, is the amount of strength that I have during this time.
The message read "Plese keep strong for everyone."
Why can't people be strong for me? I feel like I am in no position to be strong or okay, as I am completely alone and the person I would normally lean on is dead.
I don't know if it is just me but I feel like I am always the one that is strong for friends and now that I am at my weakest, people still expect me to be okay and don't realize that I need THEIR strength. Mine is useless.
Maybe it is time to take a deep look at those people who have never offered anything to our friendship, the ones where I carry all the weight. Then I should ask myself, "Are they worth it?"
Any suggestions on that? Anyone?
Also, going back to the feeling that so many people have such high expections of me.
How did those get there? And is there something I can do or say to lower the expectations so that I don't feel so pressured to be one certain way and by a certain time?
I know that this is MY process, but people have a tendency to make me feel rushed through it all. And I have the tendency to care wayyy too much about what people think of me.
I know this wasn't super organized, but I just had to get those things out of my mind.
Any advice is appreciated.
Death is still such a taboo subject, you know? But this isn't the Victorian times. You would think after the self-help revolution of the 60s to present, people would be more patient and understanding. Yet, they put unreal expectations on you. It is because they cannot possibly comprehend what you are going through. They are removed from it. Of course they care and want you to be "normal", but it will take a long, long time to feel anything resembling normal. Expecting you to be any other way at this point is unreal and unfair and I would tell them just that!
ReplyDeleteYou are getting up every morning, going to work and soon off to school, and trying. What more can be expected?
I'm sorry you are dealing with some people on top of everything else. I had to too and it really made my journey and healing process harder. I hope they can think about what they are saying/expecting and can back off! All you need right now is support, love, understanding and patience.